THE WHINER

Oh yeah, I added an e-mail address for those of you so inclined. I intend to answer all e-mails if and when I feel like it. Now, onto THE WHINER...

We have a client at the office, THE WHINER. She is an older lady who was somewhat injured in a MVA about a year ago. Well, somewhere between the accident and today, she has turned into THE WHINER. Many attorneys are used to dealing with THE WHINER. THE WHINER is really the name of many clients who are determined to be the squeaky wheel for everything. The problem arises when you realize that you created this monster.

I personally remember THE WHINER before the accident. She was a nice older lady, that occasionally did some work for DON DAD's wife, DON MOM. Remind me to tell you about DON MOM in the future, for she is a post all unto herself. Anyway, THE WHINER was anything but. She was a calm, gentile older woman, who worked hard her whole life. Then came the tragedy of an accident. The tragedy is not that she actually had an accident, but that she got somehow sucked up into her new job, as a professional personal injury plaintiff. I've touched upon the PRO before, but THE WHINER is a special kind of PRO, so I should delve further.

A PRO client (like THE WHINER) has made a job of being a plaintiff in a personal injury lawsuit. Everything revolves around the case. In the matter of THE WHINER, even the way she expresses herself is involved with the case. THE WHINER has developed this habit of whiiiiiining and cryyyyyyying every time she is poked or prodded. She complains like a yenta. She surrounds herself with family and friends that support her in her latest endeavour. She complains about the weather. About her back, neck, head, thinking, sleeping, everything.

Just like all other PRO's, THE WHINER is an expert at trying to make a buck from a fuck. THE WHINER has no quarms about complaining that she can't do anything, but then let's it slip that she is driving all over town. THE WHINER complains that she is putting her family out, but then continues to do so.

The main function of a PRO is to make money. Turn a trick, make more money. That's it.
The main function of THE WHINER is to make money by whining. Turn a trick while whining, make lots more money. That's it.
The main function of a Hooker is to make money. Turn a trick, make money. Are we seeing a pattern here?

Not that I am opposed to prostitution, or being a PRO, or even being THE WHINER. I do take issue when you don't know enough to stop being a PRO or THE WHINER when you are in my presence.

I know the ropes. I've been around the block plenty of times. INSERT CLICHE HERE. My staff and I just don't want to hear it all the time. In fact, we don't want to hear it ever. You are only pissing us off. We hear every client, every day. They cry, whine, whimper, beg, cry some more. Realize that when you do that to us, you make us suffer. You make us suffer, and since we are mostly just PEONS in HELL, we get the same buck no matter what you do. You get more flies with honey, that's for sure.

Unless you're the SMART OLD HAG, then you just get up another 10,000 times and grab a chip. Then you get more flies with potato chips and cigarettes.

ATTENTION ALL "PRO" and "WHINER" CLIENTS - Bitch and moan all you like, but I promise, there will be consequences. Although, I as an attorney may have taken an "oath" and am governed by a code of ethics/professionalism, sometimes things happen. Especially with swarthy legal secretaries and paralegals gunning for you. Files disappear, papers get "accidentally" shredded, lost, and destroyed. Appointments are mistakenly removed from the calendar. Your court fees are not included. Be ready your PROS & WHINERS. You have only yourself to blame.