DREAD

I dread going back to HELL tomorrow. It is about 7:00 on Sunday night. My stomach begins to churn at the simple thought of going back there in the morning. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one out there that feels this way. I am sure I am not, but I just feel like there is no end in sight.

Many of you know that I am in the process of opening my own practice. For those of you that are solo practitioners, I am sure you know what I am going through. I feel like I am at the absolute tipping point. I have been working my tail off, especially on nights and weekends. I get new clients where I can, and I do my own work after a full day in HELL. No, THE FAMILY does not know what I am doing. Although, a few of my closest friend in HELL do know. I am keeping it quiet for obvious reasons.

Basically, I need to keep the job while my other cases are pending. I am looking to leave just as soon as possible, but I need the steady income until my own cases pay off. That being said, I cannot stand being there on a daily basis (HELL). It is much more fulfilling to work my own cases, for my own clients, my own way. I also have to manage to keep some appearances - especially when THE FAMILY expects me to still bring in cases. I tend to bring in only what I think I can't handle on my own for a variety of reasons. Maybe I don't want the client on my own, and the client doesn't know about my own practice, then maybe for appearances it looks good to THE FAMILY if I refer them a case. Maybe I think I am not as well equipped to handle the matter. (That is a hard one to swallow, and luckily I haven't had to do that yet, but I am prepared nonetheless.) Sometimes, more is better, and HELL at least is more that a solo. (More people, more attorneys - not more in "spirit").

Nevertheless, these are some of the incessant ramblings that go on through my head. I need a break from everything, and have no time to take a break from anything. It is a constant dilemma. I catch up as much as I can on the weekend and evenings. But that is both when I catch up on my solo work and my rest. It seems to be a paradox that I cannot escape.

Pills and booze do work on a temporary basis. I go to therapy. My therapist says that more attorneys and doctors go to (and need) therapy than any other professions/careers. Not surprising, but therapy doesn't fix everything. Neither do hookers.

I would like to know what other people think, but I don't have time to contact people about this. I am busy all the time as I am sure all of you are too. I dread HELL, but I also dread not knowing what will happen next.

Any ideas? If you are reading this you must have some spare time. Please comment or e-mail soon. I need help! Thanks - John Doe, Esq.