THE LIST

Today, I started THE LIST. Every person, every thing in my office seemed to piss me off. Yes, they were all for good reasons. I always have good reasons. But, I really felt the blood boiling today.

As soon as I opened the door today, BINGO BETTY yells out "Mafioso". This was a mediocre attempt at humor. She was trying to make fun of my black pinstripe shirt. Wow, she was real original. BINGO BETTY was the first person on my list.

Next came FAT GODZILLA. FAT GODZILLA decided to follow me around the office. She wanted to tell me something. I just couldn't walk fast enough. Eventually, she just got a phone call and walked away. Why did she have to bother me? I just walked in the door and she wants to be my friend. She started telling me this oh so funny story of how she ran into her ex-boyfriend at the store. Really, I thought she ate him. And not in the fun way. FAT GODZILLA was the second person to make my list.

The next member of the list was DON BOY. He came up the stairs and called me a "Gangster". Apparently BINGO BETTY passed on the memo. I do not believe I looked like a gangster, and even if I did, fuck them for saying it. Was it meant to be a compliment, or just a joke at my expense? Not funny.

Next, THE WEASEL decides it would be appropriate to look at my time sheet to see what time I left for lunch. She pinpointed it down to the minute. Then when my wife and my grandmother called while I was out to lunch, I got quaint messages that I left work at 1:28 p.m. for lunch and was due back exactly 1 hour later. Fuck her for thinking she can have any sort of control over me, my schedule, or my life. THE WEASEL is ingrained on the list.

My next victim is THE SMART OLD HAG. She pissed me off just by walking by. We both walked into the hallway at the same exact time. Instead of acknowledging me with a "hi" or "hey John", she decided it would be most appropriate to lift her hands in a "stop don't run me over gesture." How rude can someone be. First, acknowledge the people you work with (although I could really care less if I ever speak with her, I just don't appreciate the rudeness of the bitch). Second, even if you don't acknowledge the people you work with, at least act civil, maybe human. I don't think I'm asking too much. What a cunt. She is on my list.

My last victim for the day is THE INFANT. He pissed me off just because he's a whiny little bitch. Why can't he do anything? What does he do all day long back in his hole? Does he do anything? Is he afraid to talk? Does he even have a tongue? Stop picking your god damn nose. He is at the bottom of my list.

Lucky for THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH THE CLIENTS that she is on vacation (again) and that THE DOMINATRIX doesn't usually piss me off (and she remembered my birthday so she gets brownie points).

THE LIST will grow. Don't get in my way, or you will be on the list too. By the way, I will let you know soon what I intend to do to those that make it and stay on THE LIST. Just wait, and keep on reading!