FAT GODZILLA - Friend or Foe?

Today was somewhat better. HELL (my firm) is usually a nice place - that is whenever the FAMILY is not around. When the FAMILY gets in (anywhere between 9:30 am - for the least important FAMILY member - her name is GODZILLA THE FAT) to around 12:00 noon - for the more important ones - i.e. DON BOY. DON DAD rarely comes in anymore. I think they probably have him strapped to a gurney somewhere with a morphine drip.

FAT GODZILLA is usually very friendly. She tries to be the "friend" type of boss. You know the one that always is there for you. She is usually your friend about 80% of the time. The other 20& she is your "boss", asking stupid, nonsensical questions. Once again, she is your friend and tries to get your "advice" on everything, when really she is just trying to spy on you. Actually, the story on FAT GODZILLA goes a little deeper...

FAT GODZILLA never really wanted to be an attorney. She had another career for years before coming around to the dark side. She worked as an aspiring artist - with some sort of textile. She always claims that she was very good at it. She was very much the hippie-type. Burning incense. All that spiritual/holistic bullshit. I guess it works for her, or she thinks it does.

So, FAT GODZILLA was happy with her whole life, all the while DON DAD is teaching DON BOY the ropes at the law office. DON BOY doesn't tell DON DAD that he doesn't want to do it, but he learns the ropes as a back-up. Well it is a good thing he did. DON BOY was severely injured in a bad car accident, and ended up in a wheelchair for life. So, he was stuck with the FAMILY business.

FAT GODZILLA, felt loads of guilt that her brother DON BOY was injured, and in a self-sacrificing gesture - you guessed it - she comes home to help the FAMILY. (Of course, the real reason is that she wants the FAMILY to look at her as the good, doting daughter because she lacks something - probably because the FAMILY always praised DON BOY and ignored FAT GODZILLA, but again, I digress.)

FAT GODZILLA went to law school, took and passed the bar, and became a practicing attorney. The FAMILY really forced her to do this (not that she would ever admit it - except for when she is so pissed at them she comes crying to me with nobody else willing to listen). But, she did it, and there she is. FAT GODZILLA, Attorney and Counselor at Law.

Moving on, FAT GODZILLA is usually very nice, but today she had some hemorrhoids or something and was unusually grouchy. I heard her secretary threaten to quit to at least three different people (on 3 separate occasions), but I think she was just looking for sympathy. FAT GODZILLA apparently needed to vent, so her secretary got the brunt of it.

The problem with every member of the FAMILY is that they think they are owed something. It's kind of like they just "expect" people to do things for them. Not for any reason. We, the world, just owe them, the FAMILY. They have not earned anything, but they still believe they have it coming to them. So when FAT GODZILLA speaks, you just want to choke her.

Some more helpful background information: Although FAT GODZILLA is very book smart (she did pass the bar exam after all), she is not very people smart. She has horrid social skills, she burps in the middle of conversations and does not asked to be excused. Her office and her car are a total mess - and I mean a disaster - literally like a bomb went off. Worst of all, she is not the best lawyer out there. I guess she is pretty good with doing minor real estate deals, wills, and the other general practice areas. But our firm is 98% devoted to plaintiff's personal injury work. She has been at HELL in a professional capacity for the past 10-15 years, and she still can't even find anything in the file.

So she is technically my "boss". DON DAD comes down on DON BOY for less than expected profits. DON BOY in turn comes down on FAT GODZILLA. FAT GODZILLA comes down on her secretary. But, in an effort to prove DON BOY wrong, FAT GODZILLA tries to learn about the P.I. business by taking a file and trying to work it. She ends up wasting my time with a million dumb ass questions, not really learning anything, and trying to show she's in charge. All along she just wastes everyone's time - especially mine, and still is a twit.

But, what makes it worse, is when DON BOY comes down on everyone in the office, he pretends like FAT GODZILLA needs to learn the P.I. side. He feels like she is taking advantage by not pulling her own weight (PUN INTENDED!!). He makes a fool of her around the office, in front of the employees, and screams at her constantly. He curses at her behind closed door, without the doors being closed, on the phone, anywhere. You name it and he has done it to her. I even once witnessed throw a telephone at her. A god damn telephone. I am not talking about a cell phone or an i-phone. I mean a full size Merlin-style phone with multiple lines. And what does FAT GODZILLA do?

Nothing.

She does nothing because she still has the residual guilt that her brother is in a wheelchair. So who has to take up the ass? You guessed it! Me and the other PEONS.

So where in HELL and she comes in to my office to collect $3.00 from each person for a secretary's birthday cake and card. Do you believe it? They collect money from us for a firm birthday party. I mean come on. Why they can't spring for the cake like every other company is beyond me. But to top it off -- they give us 10-15 minutes to wolf down a piece of cake and celebrate the birthday. They are actually making us pay them for our "time off". It's absurd. And FAT GODZILLA has nothing better to do than to personally come around, collect the money, go buy the cake and the card (of course it was a HALLMARK CARD THAT PLAYS MUSIC). Her secretary told me she has loads of work that is backed up but she ignores it. Maybe that is her way at getting back at the FAMILY, just like this blog is my own personal score - my own raging against the machine. But as long as she continues to cooperate and not stand up for herself (or the rest of us), she is just a dirty little cog-whore part of the system that is HELL.

I understand that it is hard to stand up to your family. I am sure it is even harder to stand up when you have the obstacle of a disabled brother, who always took the spotlight before, and now by reason of his disability gets the spotlight more. However, sometimes there is right and there is wrong. FAT GODZILLA chooses to stay on the side of wrong. Even if she hates them behind the scenes, she keeps shouting the "company line" at us. She gets sympathy from a few of the secretaries for the way she is abused - physically and emotionally, by her family. I feel bad for half-a-second, but I feel worse that i had to deal with her issues - I have enough of my own and work is not a place for her family squabbles.

So, I say "fuck it, and fuck her!" She deserves to be abused for not having grown a backbone, and for being such a pathetic loser who blames all of her problems on society. That's why she can't get a boyfriend. Not because she's fat (which she is), or because her nose hairs are longer than that guy in the Guinness Book. It's because any guy would walk all over her (before he realizes what he was stuck with and pokes out his own eyes like Oedipus (I think).) I know I will probably go to hell for saying that, but since I am already in HELL every workday, what's the difference?
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