THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS (IS THE ONE THAT RULES THE WORLD)

One of the skank-whore secretaries sleeps with clients. At least that's the rumor. I think it's true.

About 1 year ago THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS brought in a client. Mind you, she is a secretary so she gets no money, just the privilege of bringing in a client. I don't know why any of the secretaries would bring in a client, although I believe THE WEASEL might get something, maybe a performance "bonus" or something. I don't know, I don't care. I just don't understand what incentive the secretaries have to bring'em in.

However, THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS brought in a friend of hers, CLIENT LOSER.

CLIENT LOSER is a real piece of work. He was speeding on a motorcycle without a helmet, driving erratically and somehow hit into the rear end of a car crossing the road at an intersection. He slid on his belly, and ripped his gut up. He got a settlement for half a million and was pissed at us for not doing enough for him. Very typical for clients to not be happy, they always think we lawyers are trying to scam them just because we are taking 1/3. Guess what, if we billed the clients for our time, which we have the right to do - instead of the 1/3, they probably couldn't afford to make payments. At a low figure of $200/hour, with an avergage of 50 hours per case (just a lowball guess) your looking at $10,000. So unless your $30,000 settlement is achieved in 50 hours or less, you lose on the deal. Yeah, we make out more on cases requiring less time, but that's our reward for the risk of taking a contingency case. Okay, thanks for letting me blow off some steam. Back to CLIENT LOSER.

So, THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS took advantage. I guess she thought they wouldn't fire her while she had her hands on the strings controlling CLIENT LOSER (she was right). So she would take off days and weeks at a time. She didn't get paid because she was fairly new, but she had the job there when she wanted it, and could get all the time off she desired. Not bad. Except for the anger, animosity, and jealousy of the rest of the office.

That's how the rumor began. THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS is banging CLIENT LOSER. Then it started to actually fall into place. Every time THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS is out of the office, either CLIENT LOSER calls, or CLIENT LOSER's WIFE. CLIENT LOSER'S WIFE is also friends with THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS. Then throw into the mix THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS' HUSBAND who calls every five minutes because he doesn't have a job, and doesn't have a life. We now have a mystery brew of sex, intrigue, and retardedness.

Whether or not THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS is actually banging CLIENT LOSER, who fucking cares? I don't. But nothing makes the day go by like office gossip, and she provides lots of it. She is a crappy secretary, so at least this way she provides entertainment. At least that's what they tell me.

So now the question is, where does it stop. In HELL it is perfectly acceptable to sleep with a client, steal all there money, or murder them! (yes that is for those of you that think that I might really murder someone - it's called FANTASY, or maybe it is reality - you will never know for sure - but like I said in my comment, you don't even know if any of these people are real. I am more than glad to entertain your pathetic attempts to figure out what firm I am with - I have already had guesses from around the world. I promise to tell you the truth if you guess!)

Does it stop with THE ONE THAT SLEEPS WITH CLIENTS, or is there some sort of trickle down effect. Maybe the other secretaries will start to revolt. Maybe they will all take time off and start banging the clients. I know two of them that are both whore-enough to do it. Not THE WEASEL, nobody wants to tap that. Maybe I will e-mail this to my boss to see if he realizes that it is about him. DON-BOY, I know you are reading this blog right now and wondering. Well wonder no more - if you think it is you - then it is you! How and when it stops is a mystery. But I hope it goes on for a while.