Truth be told (I hate when people say that - "No, I'd prefer you lie to me." - I'll try not to do that anymore... Actually, THE WEASEL and I are somewhat friends. We are the two employees that have been in HELL the longest. However, that is a bit misleading, because while I've been in HELL for 7 years, THE WEASEL has been in HELL for more than 20 years.
I like THE WEASEL, as do most people. I guess that's her charm. She is very nice to you - well, to your face anyway. I call her THE WEASEL because she is still a rodent. She will pretend to be your friend every step of the way, but will run back to the FAMILY and tell them everything. She is a spy. She has no backbone. She toes the company line. I don't even think she knows she is THE WEASEL, it just comes so damn naturally to her.
THE WEASEL has on more than one occasion been to my home. No one else that I work with has ever been to my house. She will come over with her husband for social visits. We play cards. Go to graduations. Other family functions. Just like real friends. But I always must stay vigilant. It easy to forget. But once a WEASEL, always a WEASEL.
I found out that she was a WEASEL a few years ago, on two separate occasions. The first time was blatant WEASELRY. I was in my office, and quietly walked out to the secretarial area - oh yeah the WEASEL is a secretary - not that that makes a difference. I am not one of those elitist better than you attorneys - although I probably am better than you (insert laugh). So, I went walking out into the secretarial area and I was on one side of a wall. She couldn't see me standing there talking to someone else. I overheard her say something disparaging about me. She obviously didn't know I was there, because she is not the type for sarcasm. She is truly without wit. But, I popped my head around and said something to let her know I was standing there, and that she should basically shut the fuck up. She did, and about 15-20 minutes later, she came crawling into my office on her hands and knees and started to pull a Hillary. I'm sorry, I mean that she started to cry. Right there in my office. She didn't even have the courage to explain herself.
When I think now about what she said, I really can't remember. It was a simple disagreement which she made personal. Had she at least defended herself, I could respect that. I've had lots of people call me an ass hole, and I probably deserved it. I may have even deserved whatever THE WEASEL said, but I just don't remember. What I do remember is that she said it to other co-workers, which was very unprofessional, and she did it while still under the guise of being my friend. Eventually I let her off the hook, about a week or two later. But I don't forget these things. I may forget the details, but I don't forget that they happened.
Her next trip into THE LAND OF WEASEL was one that I probably would never have known about, had she been smart enough to erase her private computer file from the company directory. First, who saves things on the company computer. If you read my last post you know we are watched at every move. Well, I went into her directory, innocently looking for a file that I needed for the office. We all have access to each other's directories for these reasons. Well I go in, and I find a memo detailing my movements in the office. She was preparing a memo for DON-BOY about what time I got in, if I was 10 or 15 minutes late here. If I was late coming back from lunch.
I was so pissed when I found this. So, I did what any normal person would do. I told everyone. I printed out the memo, and circulated it amongst all other employees and non-FAMILY members. I let them know exactly who we were dealing with. Eventually the memo was deleted, either because she didn't want it on the company directory anymore - like because she finally handed it in, or, and what I believe to be more likely, it got back to her. That's what I hope happened. Not that I care what the FAMILY thinks of my occasional lateness, etc... I more than make up for it timewise, and besides, now, we have timecards - yes even the salaried attorneys. (Don't get me started, just refer to the Internet/E-mail post.)
So, now you now why THE WEASEL is a WEASEL. Today she was overly friendly to me. She even asked me if my wife and I wanted to come to her house. Well, I might just do that. I follow the old saying, "Keep your friends close, and keep your WEASELS even closer!!"
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