WHAT DOES THE WEASEL DO?

THE WEASEL is a paralegal/legal secretary. She has been at the office for 20 years. So how come now that she is on vacation this week, nothing is really any different. Sure, she left us a memo with a list of clients to call and EBTs to confirm, but we would have known to do that by simply reading the calendar. So what exactly is it that THE WEASEL does.

Well, we all know that she is DON-BOY's sidekick. She is his #1 yes-man! Her nose is so far up his ass on a daily basis that it looks like he's growing a WEASEL from his nether-regions. Gross.

After discussing the matter at length with a few of my colleagues, we have decided that THE WEASEL's sole contribution to the office is that she buys the potato chips on a daily basis. Well, that's important!

I know she is smart. In fact THE WEASEL is very intelligent. It's not that she can't do the work. It's that DON-BOY has her do all of his personal errands, pay his bills, wax his balls, and so on. I think at some point she might get tired of being his day-bitch. At least his wife gets to sit home all day and do nothing. But, I don't want to know what she has to do at night. But why THE WEASEL has allowed herself to fall into the position of peon-snitch-day-bitch, I just can't grasp.

I know she needs the feeling of power. She craves that. But, how much power does someone have making sure your MasterCard is paid on time. Yeah, she can fuck up your credit score, but she wouldn't dare. I don't think THE WEASEL has a soul. She is like a ghost. The days pass her by, and all the while, she makes no impact whatsoever. It is sad. Very, very sad.

I've told you before that I do like THE WEASEL a lot. But it is so freaking boring to be her that I find it hard to keep her close to me. I also can't trust her. This leads me to a very important topic in a small, family-run firm. Trust is everything.

At the end of the day today, FAT GODZILLA came to me, crying. She was crying because her brother, our office manager, DON-BOY berated her yet again. He thinks she is not pulling her weight (no pun intended, but it is funny as hell). I don't know why she would trust me with this. I think it is because I've been around the longest (as far as other attorneys go), and she just needed a shoulder to cry on. Frankly, I'm getting tired of her crying because she is the one that truly has the power, she is just afraid to use it. But, I do feel bad for her, because, well, like any other loser, she is pathetic at times. I guess I'm just a real soft touch.

So, the question is, why does FAT GODZILLA trust me? Why does anyone trust anyone?

I know that THE WEASEL's whole goal in life is to have DON-BOY trust her. I know that I trust a select few in HELL, and have shared with them and them alone my ambition and my taking on new clients on my own. My own practice is a great source of trust. For me, my clients, and those that I choose to share this with. But, can you ever really trust the people you work with. In HELL, the answer seems obvious, but it's not always that way.

I pick and chose whom to trust. FAT GODZILLA seems to trust everyone implicitly, without any regard. DON-BOY trusts no one at all. I don't even think he trusts himself. I've already told you how he trusts me with certain things, and THE WEASEL with others. But, he doesn't trust anyone completely.

To answer the main question of this post - What does THE WEASEL do? She spends her days and nights trying to come up with ways to gain the trust of others. Mostly DON-BOY's trust, but she tries to gain favor with everyone. Well, remember the story of Adam & Eve, you know, the two jerks in the Garden of Eden. Yeah, I read Genesis, get over it. Eve (like THE WEASEL) openly trusted the serpent (DON-BOY). And look what happened to her. She fucked it up for the rest of us. Typical fucking secretary!!